He Was 7cm Shorter, But She Dated Him Anyway

Tell us the truth, ladies: Would you swipe right on a man who is shorter than you? In May, Tinder soft launched a feature that allows premium users in some countries to filter matches by height, igniting debates about whether or not the feature would disadvantage short men. On the one hand, they'd be hidden from the algorithms of women who prefer tall men. On the other hand, do these men really want to match with someone who'd turn them down after a first date because of their height? Won't they save time, money, and heartache by not matching in the first place?

While all this talk about height filters and dating preferences was happening online, it turns out one of my friends had already lived out the scenario. Gwen - who, at 167cm, is no hobbit - not only matched with a man who is shorter than her, but went on to date him.

I had questions. A lot of them. So I asked Gwen to spill the tea - from her height preferences to how she ended up giving a so-called "short king" a chance.

Diane: First up, at 167cm, you're considered tall for an Asian woman in Singapore. Did you have any height requirements while you were dating?

Gwen: When I was first trying out Tinder, I had a preference towards taller guys and would typically not entertain the thought of dating anyone shorter than me.

Diane: As someone who's also 167cm, same. How did you end up dating a shorter guy? And how "short" are we talking?

Gwen: TBH, I was quite surprised by my own open-mindedness. NGL, when I first matched with Fun-Sized Dude (let's call him that), I wasn't entirely sure about his height, and he didn't mention it in his bio. He had broad shoulders, so his shorter stature wasn't immediately prominent.

And he was definitely below the average Singaporean male height, like a good 7-8 cm shorter than me. I guess the old me would have reached for the kill switch immediately upon knowing this. Somehow I did not, because we had great conversations that never seemed to end, and there was certainly chemistry.

Diane: To what extent did your height difference impact your attraction to him?

Gwen: When I first met him IRL, I must admit that I was quite turned off by the height difference. I seriously doubted if I could ever find him attractive - and I'm not a huge stickler for looks. As the date progressed, I found myself being more comfortable with the idea, but again when we stood up to leave the restaurant, the height difference stuck out like a sore thumb.

The only reason that kept me wanting to continue the dating experience with him was the fact that we were connecting very well otherwise.

Diane: Did you ever feel self-conscious when you were out in public together?

Gwen: I would be lying if I said I wasn't. We used to get odd looks from strangers, and even an aunty side-eyed us once! Aunty, what did we ever do to you :(

But after a while, I learnt to put all these feelings aside, and just treat all those looks that linger on us a little too long as an expression of curiosity from the general public.

Diane: How about your friends and family? Did anyone comment on the fact that he was shorter than you?

Gwen: 100% - it was very hard to ignore. In fact, my mum was strongly against the idea of us dating. Friends questioned my life choices and wondered if the dating pool was really so wrecked that I had to ‘settle'. At some point, it really felt like it was us against the world.

IMAGE: UNSPLASH

Diane: How did you being taller than him impact your dynamic as a couple?

Gwen: I would love to say that this is such a shallow factor, but in actual fact, it affected our relationship at a fundamental level. Obviously, having my mum actively objecting to it created a lot of friction in the relationship. Whenever we argued, I found myself constantly thinking if I'm short changing myself by dating a short king. Wouldn't it be much easier if I were dating by societal standards?

Having said that, I think societal norms have shifted gradually since then (my own experience was at least 8 years back). I'm starting to see more and more couples where the girl is taller than the guy, and I fully ship that!

Diane: Do you think these issues affected how he saw himself? Did he ever seem insecure about it?

Gwen: There were definitely undertones of insecurity - he wouldn't be human otherwise. He brought up limb lengthening surgery, but I was strongly against it because why take unnecessary risks? We also naturally avoided taking photos when we were standing up.

Diane: Now I'm wondering - what made you stay? Was there something he did that made the height feel like a non-issue?

Gwen: We had established this very nice chemistry, and it was super comfortable being with him. I'm a sucker for nice boys, and if this guy remotely showed any hints of arrogance or bad behaviour towards other people, that's one foot out of the door for me.

We also saw the relationship as a serious one, and we both made plans for the future despite being at a very young age (I was in my early 20s back then).

Gwen: I've always wondered what people truly think about women who go for someone shorter. What are your thoughts on this, Diane?

Diane: Although I've never dated a shorter guy, I did have a major crush on one in university - but after I told him how I felt, he turned me down! Not specifically because of our height difference, but he did marry someone who's shorter than him, so I wonder if it impacted his (lack of) attraction to me. So whenever I see couples where the woman is shorter than the man, I wonder if the couple had to work past it or if they were always okay with it.

IMAGE: UNSPLASH

Diane: To what extent do you think height plays into traditional ideas of masculinity or power dynamics, especially here in Asia? And even in 2025, in an era where we're supposedly more inclusive.

Gwen: Even though I think there has been some progress made, the truth is that most people across various generations continue to think that a shorter male is less masculine. Just look at the social media comments about Asian celebrity couples such as Wong Cho Lam and Leanne Li, or our very own Jesseca Liu and Jeremy Chan.

Society is still largely unable to grasp the concept that females can be equally physically strong (or even stronger) than males.

Diane: What do you think of height requirements in dating apps?

Gwen: First of all, if I were a guy, I would obviously add a couple of CM's to my answer (lol). No one's really gonna show up at the date with a measuring tape and verify your height. But I think this might lead to a whole other set of problems, such as a higher incidence of catfishing or dating app users feeling like they were catfished, if their match showed up several inches shorter than what they expected.

On the other hand, I can also see the positives here. Users who are very adamant about their choices can save both their own time and the other person's time by eliminating matches that they would otherwise not date anyway.

But from my own perspective, though I have this ideal height requirement in my mind, I know that ultimately, personality and chemistry is what truly matters to me, and there will always be this "What if?" at the back of my mind - did I lose the chance to meet my #LOML just because I went for height?

As someone who hasn't dated someone shorter, is there anything that would make you consider that possibility?

Diane: Well, I'm married now, but NGL - I swiped left on shorter guys back in the day. At the time, I felt like dating a guy who is minimally my height was more straightforward. Less issues in attraction to overcome (on both sides), less comments from family and friends. Dating was already so troublesome that I wanted to take the path of least resistance. But as someone who is married and now has a daughter, I'll one day encourage her to be less particular about height and more particular about value systems and character, which go a lot further in strengthening a relationship than physical attributes do.

So, as women who are considered on the taller side, would we date a "short king"? One of us already did, and learnt that love (or even chemistry) doesn't hinge on first impressions. Maybe the better question is, what stories, conversations, or once-in-a-lifetime connections did we miss out on because we didn't give them a chance? I guess we'll never know, but regardless of whether Tinder brings its height filter to Singapore, we can only hope that the next generation of singles won't even have to think twice about dating a short king (or a tall queen).

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